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On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised. Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.” Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again. Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America. For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life. But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship. If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer. How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service. I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine? Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties. There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves. Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice. This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well ... and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry. This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well. So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The very first ‘shidduch’

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On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one...
A fire that broke out the northern Israeli city of Safed as a result of missiles fired by Hezbollah in Lebanon, Oct. 20, 2024. Photo by David Cohen/Flash90.

The world against Israel: Prophecies fulfilled

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For the next week, the Jewish people are celebrating the holiday of Sukkot. Last year, the holiday ended with the Oct. 7 pogrom in Israel. This year, we are celebrating our strength, resilience and...
Leaves showing fine hairs at 12 years. Photo courtesy of Guy Eisner.

Scientists revive 1,000-year-old tree possibly mentioned in Genesis

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A mystery seed dating from 993 C.E.-1202 C.E. that was uncovered four decades ago by archaeologists in a cave in the Judean Desert has been revived. Nicknamed “Sheba” (according to Josephus, Queen Sheba brought the...

Most US Protestant churchgoers think mythic Roman story is in Jewish scripture, per study

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More than six in 10 church-going American Protestants appear to believe that the legendary ancient Roman story of Romulus and Remus appears in Jewish scripture, according to new data from Lifeway Research. Lifeway, a nearly...

Bible contest to feature ‘Rachel from Ofakim,’ who faced down terrorists on Oct. 7

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The International Bible Contest, an Israeli Independence Day tradition that features contestants from all over the world, will be held at the Jerusalem Theater on Tuesday with 16 youths competing—12 from the Diaspora and...

Seed from biblical home of Goliath sheds light on Philistine rituals

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A team of Israeli archaeologists and archaeobotanists have overseen the reconstruction of plants used in three-thousand-year-old Philistine rituals at the central Israel site identified as the home of the biblical Goliath, providing a unique...
"I will take the stick of Yosef .. .and I will place it with the stick of Yehuda ... and they shall be one in My hand" (Ezekiel 37:19). Image: Meirav Barlev

Biblical prophecy unfolds as two brothers reunite

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The months leading up to Hamas's Oct. 7 massacre and the ensuing war were characterized by bitter internal conflict that challenged the image of Israel's internal stability: Reservists threatened to refuse orders, high-tech heroes...
Photo by Emil Aladjem/Israel Antiquities Authority.

Jerusalem find dating back to biblical kings baffles archaeologists

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An unprecedented channel installation dating back to the First Temple period was uncovered in the City of David National Park in Jerusalem, the Israel Antiquities Authority announced on Wednesday. The excavation thus far has uncovered...

Israeli researchers use geomagnetic data to support biblical accounts

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An Israeli scientific breakthrough has enabled researchers to verify biblical accounts of wars between ancient Jewish kingdoms and their enemies, according to a statement released by Tel Aviv University (TAU) on Tuesday. The scientists examined...

When Christians blow the shofar, it’s a wake-up call for Jews

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They were blowing the shofar, but it wasn’t Rosh Hashanah. On Jan. 5, 2021, the sound of the ram’s horn echoed in the streets of Washington, D.C., as participants in the Jericho March circled the...