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On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised. Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.” Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again. Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America. For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life. But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship. If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer. How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service. I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine? Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties. There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves. Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice. This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well ... and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry. This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well. So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The very first ‘shidduch’

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On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one...
A fire that broke out the northern Israeli city of Safed as a result of missiles fired by Hezbollah in Lebanon, Oct. 20, 2024. Photo by David Cohen/Flash90.

The world against Israel: Prophecies fulfilled

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For the next week, the Jewish people are celebrating the holiday of Sukkot. Last year, the holiday ended with the Oct. 7 pogrom in Israel. This year, we are celebrating our strength, resilience and...
UNRWA staff members protest against cuts in financial aid outside the agency's offices in Gaza City on April 14, 2019. Photo by Hassan Jedi/Flash90.

Defunding UNRWA and collective punishment

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The 14th chapter of the book of Leviticus describes a mysterious disease that infects houses. It states that when this disease is suspected, the dwelling must initially be left empty for seven days. If...
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Israeli soldiers find Hebrew Book of Psalms in Gaza home

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IDF soldiers have found a Book of Psalms with a personal dedication to an Israeli man from nearly four decades ago in the home of a Palestinian terrorist in the Gaza Strip. The book, which...

Alfred Moses: ‘I bought the Sassoon Codex for the Jewish people, not for me’

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The Israelites famously declared in the book of Exodus at Mount Sinai, “We will do, and then we will hear.” Rabbinic tradition has taken that to mean that they accepted the Torah sight unseen,...
Codex Sassoon sells for $33.5 million, a record for a book sold at auction, at Sotheby's in New York on May 17, 2023. Credit: Courtesy of Sotheby's.

Tel Aviv ANU–Museum of the Jewish People buys Codex Sassoon for $33.5 million

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First, there was the possibility that Renaissance man par excellence Leonardo da Vinci was Jewish. Now, the oldest near-complete Hebrew Bible, Codex Sassoon, which dates to around the year 900, beat da Vinci’s Codex Leicester as the...
The Codex Sassoon (late ninth to early 10th century). Credit: Courtesy of Sotheby's.

Oldest near-complete Hebrew Bible to be displayed at Tel Aviv museum

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The oldest near-complete edition of the Hebrew Bible, a manuscript from a millennium ago, will be on display on March 23-29 at the ANU—Museum of the Jewish People in Tel Aviv, the museum announced...
Archaeological excavations at Qumran in southern Israel. Credit: Shai Halevi/ Israel Antiquities Authority.

Dozens of Dead Sea Scroll fragments with biblical verses discovered in Judean cave

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Israeli archaeologists announced on Tuesday that dozens of Dead Sea Scroll fragments bearing biblical verses were discovered during a national archaeological operation in the Judean Desert. The scroll fragments are written in Greek and feature...
“The Israel Bible: Scroll of Esther,” published in honor of slain Israeli Esther Horgen. Credit: Courtesy.

Ahead of Purim, ‘Israel Bible’ publishes special scroll in honor of Esther Horgen

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The Israel Bible has published a new edition of the Scroll of Esther in honor of Esther Horgen, the 52-year-old mother of six murdered on Dec. 21 by a Palestinian terrorist near her Tal Menashe home. The release...
A 17th-century rendition of Jacob and Esau (right), the progenitor of the biblical Edomites. Credit: Wikimedia Commons.

Israeli researchers unveil new discoveries about biblical kingdom of Edom

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Israeli researchers published discoveries about the biblical kingdom of Edom on Wednesday. “Using technological evolution as a proxy for social processes, we were able to identify and characterize the emergence of the biblical kingdom of Edom,” explained Tel...