64.6 F
San Diego
Saturday, December 21, 2024
Home Tags Judaism

Tag: Judaism

Musician Elton John performs "Rocket Man" during his Glastonbury Festival show, June 25, 2023. Credit: Raph_PH via Wikimedia Commons.

Tradition or tragedy?

0
I am writing these lines from the United States, where I am nearing the end of my latest speaking tour. I’ve been to New York, Toronto, Detroit, Philadelphia, and now Miami. Coming from South Africa,...
An artist's interpretation of the first Thanksgiving in Plymouth, Mass. Credit: Wikimedia Commons.

The attitude of gratitude: Jewish insights to share at your Thanksgiving table

2
Thanksgiving. They got it from us. The evidence: Things they don’t teach you in school, like the Pilgrims modeling their autumn thanksgiving holiday after the Jewish harvest holiday of Sukkot, celebrated just a few weeks...
On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised. Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.” Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again. Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America. For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life. But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship. If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer. How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service. I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine? Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties. There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves. Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice. This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well ... and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry. This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well. So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The very first ‘shidduch’

0
On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one...

Archaeology is a big problem for the Palestinian cause

0
Israeli archaeologists in Jerusalem found a 2,700-year-old stone seal last week near the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. It’s just a few inches in diameter, but it’s a big deal for Zionism—and another blow to the Palestinian...

This failure will not define us

0
Our hearts hurt. Our pain is real. It feels like failure. For 330 days, Hersh Goldberg-Polin languished in the dark. For 330 days, he fought back against despair and kept striving for life. For 330...

‘Strange turn of events made me do it,’ rabbis say of penning Oct. 7...

0
One of the images in a mournful poem by the seventh-century rabbi Eleazar ben Kalir, which is a central kinah prayer chanted on the Tisha B’Av fast day, refers to the silenced words of Temple singers. Giving literary form...

A Filipino singer’s journey to Judaism in Israel

0
He had grown up in a swanky northern Tel Aviv home adopted by a secular Israeli family, alongside his Filipino single mother who is a foreign worker. Fluent in Hebrew, he was a semifinalist in...

Sufis and Kabbalists and their vision of the world

0
Religions and the conception of God Religions do not have the same conception of God. The Christian triune God is not the God of the Qur’ân or the Torah, and the personal God of the...

Archaeology, Passover and Zionism

0
Israeli archaeologists in Jerusalem recently found a 2,000-year-old clay token that was used in connection with offerings at the Second Temple in Jerusalem. The four-inch token may seem small, but it’s actually a very...

Israeli soldiers recite blessing on Gaza fruit trees

0
Israel Defense Forces troops on Wednesday recited Birkat Ha’Ilanot, the seasonal blessing on blossoming fruit trees, in the Netzarim Corridor that splits the Gaza Strip. According to Jewish law, if one sees fruit trees budding...