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Ten Israeli couples with a member serving in the Israel Defense Forces taking part in a mass wedding ceremony part of Chabad of Savyon’s “Marrying the Warriors,” in Tel Aviv Port, March 5, 2024. Photo by Chaim Goldberg/Flash90.

Marriage tips from Jacob?

Jewish World
By
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
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They say that the definition of a successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend. And the definition of a successful woman is one who can find such a...
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On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised. Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.” Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again. Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America. For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life. But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship. If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer. How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service. I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine? Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties. There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves. Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice. This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well ... and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry. This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well. So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The very first ‘shidduch’

Jewish World
By
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
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0
On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one...
Read more

MKs: Extend order barring citizenship through marriage for Palestinians

Israel
By
JNS
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0
Lawmakers in Jerusalem on Monday gave initial approval to renewing a temporary order barring Palestinians from Judea, Samaria and Gaza from automatically receiving Israeli citizenship through marriage, amid growing calls to enact permanent legislation,...
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Birthright participants pose for a picture. Credit: Courtesy of Birthright Israel.

US Birthright participants 160% more likely to marry Jews

Jewish People
By
Susan R. Eisenstein
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U.S. Jews who participated in Birthright trips to Israel are more highly identified and engaged in communal life than their peers who did not, according to an analysis of the Pew Research Center’s 2020...
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Illustrative image. Photo by Yonatan Sindel/Flash90.

Israeli court sets precedent by recognizing online civil marriages

Israel
By
JNS
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0
In a landmark ruling, The Lod District Court has found that the state must recognize online civil marriages, according to Israeli media reports. In her ruling on Friday, Judge Efrat Fink wrote that a public...
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A discussion on the “family reunification law” during a plenum session in the Knesset on July 6, 2021. Photo by Yonatan Sindel/Flash90.

Citizenship Law gets second chance as Knesset passes first reading

Israel
By
David isaac
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The Citizenship and Entry into Israel Law has a new lease on life, passing its first reading in the Knesset on Feb. 7, the start of a lengthy legislative process. The law, which essentially...
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Hezbollah fighters holding the terror group's flags. Credit: nsf2019/Shutterstock.

Hezbollah’s notorious Unit 133 is back in business

Middle East
By
Yaacov Lappin
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Earlier this month, the Israel Defense Force and Israel Police announced that they had thwarted a significant weapons-smuggling attempt from Lebanon into Israel. A total of 43 firearms worth millions of shekels were confiscated...
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An Israeli couple on their wedding day photoshoot in a blossoming almond tree field in Latrun, near Jerusalem, on February 25, 2019. Photo by Hadas Parush/Flash90.

Israel to launch ‘happy badge’ program for weddings and large events

Israel
By
Jewish Website
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With Israel’s wedding season a week away and the rate of COVID-19 infection rising, Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett signed off on a program on Thursday that would allow weddings and other celebrations to...
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(L-R) Israeli minister of Defense Benny Gantz, minister of Foreign Affairs Yair Lapid, Prime Minister Naftali Bennett and Minister of Justice Gideon Saar during a discussion on the "family reunification law", during a plenum session in the assembly hall of the Israeli parliament, in Jerusalem, on July 6, 2021. Photo by Yonatan Sindel/Flash90

A flood of Palestinians into Israel? Citizenship law fails to pass, despite security issues

Israel
By
Davud Isaac
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Politics makes strange bedfellows. In the predawn hours of Tuesday morning, the Likud Party celebrated alongside the anti-Zionist Joint Arab List, as the Citizenship and Entry into Israel Law, meant to bolster Israel’s security...
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Eleven Bnei Menashe couples who immigrated to Israel from northeastern India were remarried in a group ceremony near Netanya after completing their formal conversion to Judaism by the Chief Rabbinate, Feb. 3, 2021. Photo by Laura Ben David, courtesy of Shavei Israel.

Bnei Menashe couples from India remarry near Netanya

Jewish People
By
JNS
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0
Eleven Bnei Menashe couples who immigrated to Israel from northeastern India were remarried in a group ceremony at Shavei Israel’s absorption center near Netanya after completing their formal conversion to Judaism by the Chief Rabbinate. The 11...
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