64.6 F
San Diego
Wednesday, November 20, 2024

On several recent flights in the United States, I was rather surprised, and somewhat bemused, to see full-page ads in the airline magazines for a matchmaking service. In fact, there was more than one such service being advertised. Who would believe that in the sophisticated 21st-century, old Yente—the matchmaker from “Fiddler on the Roof”—is being resurrected? “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch.” Oh, the ad was very slick and professional, but essentially, it was Yente all over again. Frankly, I must admit to feeling gratified seeing that the old shidduch system is alive and well in modern, corporate America. For decades, cultured Jews in the United States and elsewhere looked down upon the shidduch system still practiced in the religious community. It was considered archaic and outdated in the new age where everyone was marrying for love. It was beneath these moderns to rely on a shadchan, a “matchmaker,” to find one’s partner in life. But when you think about it, how many people find their marriage partners completely on their own? Most are introduced by a friend, given a telephone number or invited to a party where the host’s express intention is to introduce a certain man and a woman to each other. It’s probably the exception where two people happen to meet on their own and go on to marry each other, unless they were high school sweethearts who kept up the relationship. If a mutual friend who knows both parties thinks it’s a good match, it stands a far better chance of success than a random meeting at a bar, where one’s judgment is often blurred by the beer. How many people have met their bashert online on the many dating services available today? I don’t know the number, but there are a great many who have. It may be online, but it’s basically a shidduch service. I think there was always a misunderstanding of the shidduch system by people on the outside. Many thought that it was the parents choosing a match for their son or daughter, and the couple themselves had no choice in the matter. Not true! A matchmaker, shadchan, only makes a suggestion. If the couple agrees to meet, there is no coercion to marry. Millions of young religious men and women have gone on one or two dates and decided it’s not for them. End of story. Back to the drawing board until the right person comes up. How different is that from the dating sites or the socialite shadchan-like advertising in the airline magazine? Even in the religious community, parents and mentors always advise young people that there must be chemistry between a couple before they should commit to marriage. When comparing his and her résumés and profiles the union may appear great on paper, but the human element must never be compromised. The couple themselves must feel attracted to one another. As a rule, rabbis or rebbetzins who are asked for advice by indecisive, tentative men and women will always ask if there is an attraction, a vibe, a good feeling between the parties. There’s a lot to be said for the shidduch system, even with its inherent problems, which it does have. Still, the numbers don’t lie, and generations of happy, content, loving families speak for themselves. Yes, in the observant community parents are usually involved in helping their children decide who to date. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Parental guidance can be very helpful. Too often, I’ve been asked to counsel families where a son or daughter wanted to marry someone the parents felt was inappropriate. I can confirm that in cases where the young person defied their parents’ objections to the union, the marriage usually didn’t last. Infatuation often gets in the way of logical reasoning. While it is their decision alone, young people would be well advised to listen very carefully to their parents’ opinions and loving advice. This week’s Torah portion, Chaye Sarah, records the very first shidduch in the Bible. Abraham dispatches his trusted servant, Eliezer, to Abraham’s hometown with the singular mission of finding a wife for his son, Isaac. Eliezer meets young Rebecca at the well ... and the rest is history. She is beautiful, exceptionally kind and generous, and she is from the same family as Abraham, his great-niece, in fact. The shidduch is made, and Isaac and Rebecca marry. This match was clearly ordained by heaven, and there wasn’t much dating before it came to pass. But ever since Eliezer—the first shadchan in history—successfully concluded the deal, the shidduch system has served us well. So whether it’s from an ad in a magazine, an online dating service or your local Yente, don’t be shy to look for your bashert through the agency of an intermediary. May all our single men and women who are looking in earnest find their own bashert ASAP.

The very first ‘shidduch’

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024
Tzav 9 activists block the entrance to Ashdod Port during a protest against aid trucks entering the Gaza Strip, Feb. 1, 2024. Photo by Chaim Goldberg/Flash90.

Tzav 9 to resume protests against aid to Hamas

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024
Israel Defense Forces Maj. (res.) Ze’ev Erlich, 71, before entering Southern Lebanon, Nov. 20, 2024. Photo by Chaim Goldberg/Flash90.

Israeli scholar, 71, killed in Lebanon

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024
Hezbollah Secretary-General Naim Qassem in a televised address, Nov. 20, 2024. Credit: X.

Hezbollah threatens new attacks on Tel Aviv

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024
Israel must continue to be able to deter Hezbollah, Foreign Minister Gideon Sa'ar stressed on Wednesday, speaking amid efforts to reach a ceasefire with Iran's Lebanese terrorist proxy.

Sa’ar: Israel must be free to act against Hezbollah truce violations

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024
Emily Hand, 8, with her father, Thomas Hand, an Irish immigrant to Israel, in Ramat Gan after being freed from nearly two months of captivity in the Gaza Strip by Hamas, Nov. 25, 2023. Credit: IDF.

Freed hostages surprise young Oct. 7 survivor on her birthday

Jewish Website - November 20, 2024

Tzav 9 to resume protests against aid to Hamas

0
Israel's Tzav 9 ("Order 9") protest group that opposes humanitarian aid going to Hamas terrorists in the Gaza Strip announced on Wednesday the resumption...

In the ‘Path of Abraham’

0
Before the first Trump administration upended nearly every piece of common knowledge about the Middle...

Jewish liberals should follow ‘Morning Joe’ and drop the ‘resistance’

0
Maybe he isn’t Hitler after all. That’s the upshot of the announcement by political talk-show hosts Mika...

For Israel, a “Bewitching” Threesome: Iran, Russia and North Korea

0
When shall we three meet again?In thunder, lightning, or in rain? The Three Witches in Macbeth Bad...

Mike Huckabee channels Golda Meir

0
When former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, the U.S. ambassador-designate to Israel, appears at his Senate...

Letters by Pablo Nankin MD || A liar never misses an opportunity to lie

0
The latest is that by congressperson Rashida Tlaib, whose mother still lives in Ramallah. She...

Israel-Basher Picked to Speak on Israel and Zionism

0
A prominent institute for the study of antisemitism has once again chosen a professor who...

Other Languages

Un Mirakolo de Purim por por Dora NİYEGO

0
Eskrito por un rabino. Deke estava aya en en este momento? Munchas vezes pensi en esto, i kada vez ke fyestamos Purim, este momento me vyene...

La 4e Université d’été de langue et de littérature yiddish à...

0
Durant trois semaines, l’Institut d’Europe de l’Est accueille des étudiants du monde entier et leur propose des cours de yiddish et des activités culturelles...

Choral Z Piekla Dna (Choral from the Depths of Hell)

0
Choral Z Piekla Dna (Choral from the Depths of Hell) Aleksander Tytus Kulisiewicz Songs from the Depths of Hell ℗ 2004 Smithsonian Folkways Recordings / 1979 Folkways Records...

Jewish Agora

Photo by Beyond My Ken, via Wikimedia Commons

The Pessin Affair

FOLLOW US

RSS

Upcoming Events

November 2024
No event found!
Load More